"Hello. Emergency operator. Which service do you require?"
"Hello. Police. How can we help?"
"I've been mugged!"
"Okay. On our way."
"Hello Sir, You say that you've been mugged. Can you describe the circumstances?"
"Yes, officer. I went online to a well known shopping site to buy some ration packs which I intended to help homeless people out on the streets during the winter nights."
"Yes, do continue."
"Well, they wanted anything from £4.50 through to a staggering £30 for a [Move On Ready to Eat Instant Mutton Biryani Boneless with Self Heating Bag (250 Grams)]."
"Good God! £30 for a single meal?"
"Yes, officer. I mean that these meals are made in their thousands for provision to military forces through to general day trippers. I appreciate that they have to be high quality, but to be honest, they are no more than you can already buy for under £1 in a can [Big breakfast] or in a container [Pot Noodles]. Okay I concede that they are slightly higher calorie, but that still doesn't justify the extortionate rate."
"Yes, I'm sorry but there's nothing that we can do. Due to the free market, they can sell them at any ridiculous price that they believe they can get away with. However, if you do find any of these unfortunate homeless types who have keeled over and frozen to death then give us a bell and we can record the matter and arrange for their removal from the streets. It'll cut down the smell when the thaw arrives. Good evening. Oh, and don't park on that yellow line again."
I should write it into a play called "The Great Food Robbery".
Merry Christmas (or Happy Holidays) all.
How are you preparing
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